Welcome to my blog. For all of you wondering what is meant by "Mind the goats," I will explain.
Throw in a goat. Preferably a rabid goat.
Really, I'm serious. Almost any animal will do. Some animals are intrinsically funnier than others: aardvarks, elephants, rabid squirrels, ducks, storks, etc... but so long as they are awkward, unexpected, and literally thrown in-preferably rear first--they'll get a laugh. Simply take any passage of sappy, slow, or melodramatic writing and insert the following:
"His/Her/My life suddenly got a lot more complicated with the unexpected arrival of a rabid flying goat."
You'll be shocked at the wonderful tangents so small a line will create for you. Where did this goat come from? Was it the only one or was it the first of many? Was it thrown or did it launch of its own accord? What did he/she/or I say when the the goat landed on him/her/or me? Did it bleat or did it merely go thud? Oh...the pages and pages of sidetracks you'll find yourself wandering merrily in... You'll also find it's especially effective if you use this as a sort of theme throughout the rest of your book; have another dull moment? Throw in another goat! By the end of your book may even find you do not have to go through the trouble of describing each goat toss in detail...a simple "AHHH! Flying goat!" will suffice.
Don't believe me?
Let's have look...shall we?
The Swiss Family Robinson:
Fritz saw some gummy resin exuding from cracks in the bark, and it reminded him of the boyish delight afforded by collecting gum from cherry-trees at home, so that he must needs stop to scrape off as much as he could. He rejoined me presently, attempting to soften what he had collected in his hands; but finding it would not work like gum, he was about to fling it away, when---his life suddenly got a lot more complicated with the arrival of a rabid flying goat...
Admit it...now you want to find out what happens, eh? Or, let's take a look at something a little more contemporary:
You're the only one we could ever trust her with. If you didn't love her so much, I could never bear this. I know you can protect her Jac--AHHH! Not another flying goat!!"
I rest my case.