Sunday, April 18, 2010

Welcome to my blog

Welcome to my blog. For all of you wondering what is meant by "Mind the goats," I will explain.

If you took all of the funniest, laugh out loud, side-splitting, stop-me-from-reading-this-I'm-going-to-die-or-pee-children's books and analyzed them so as to find out what will make your own writing more appealing to even the most jaded Twilight reader, the answer is simple:

Throw in a goat. Preferably a rabid goat.

Really, I'm serious. Almost any animal will do. Some animals are intrinsically funnier than others: aardvarks, elephants, rabid squirrels, ducks, storks, etc... but so long as they are awkward, unexpected, and literally thrown in-preferably rear first--they'll get a laugh. Simply take any passage of sappy, slow, or melodramatic writing and insert the following:

"His/Her/My life suddenly got a lot more complicated with the unexpected arrival of a rabid flying goat."

You'll be shocked at the wonderful tangents so small a line will create for you. Where did this goat come from? Was it the only one or was it the first of many? Was it thrown or did it launch of its own accord? What did he/she/or I say when the the goat landed on him/her/or me? Did it bleat or did it merely go thud? Oh...the pages and pages of sidetracks you'll find yourself wandering merrily in... You'll also find it's especially effective if you use this as a sort of theme throughout the rest of your book; have another dull moment? Throw in another goat! By the end of your book may even find you do not have to go through the trouble of describing each goat toss in detail...a simple "AHHH! Flying goat!" will suffice.

Don't believe me?

Let's have look...shall we?

The Swiss Family Robinson:

Fritz saw some gummy resin exuding from cracks in the bark, and it reminded him of the boyish delight afforded by collecting gum from cherry-trees at home, so that he must needs stop to scrape off as much as he could. He rejoined me presently, attempting to soften what he had collected in his hands; but finding it would not work like gum, he was about to fling it away, when---his life suddenly got a lot more complicated with the arrival of a rabid flying goat...

"Ahhh! Goat!"

Admit you want to find out what happens, eh? Or, let's take a look at something a little more contemporary:

Breaking Dawn:

You're the only one we could ever trust her with. If you didn't love her so much, I could never bear this. I know you can protect her Jac--AHHH! Not another flying goat!!"

I rest my case.


  1. There were fainting goats in a novel I read last year, Dragon Spear, by Jessica Day George. They were funny. I liked the first book in the series better, but wait . . . I think there were goats in the first book as well.

    Yes, goats are funny. They're also fiendishly clever and very naughty. My best friend keeps goats.

  2. Hi Mark and welcome to blogger world!

    This post reminds me of when my kids were little and I'd change up the story books to make them funny. Like instead of Bullfrog Grows Up, I'd call it Bullfrog Throws Up. I could have used the flying goat idea, that would have cracked them up.


  3. Welcome to blogging. Flying goats would definitely get my attention.

  4. LOL @ the goats. I have a mountain goat on my blog. They were what inspired me to start writing for children.

  5. Hmmm...never considered the flying goat idea before. I'll have to give that one some thought. :) Welcome to the blogging world!

  6. If in doubt go for the goat. Love the example

    I used to have a flock of goats many years ago.
    Our then baby was so enthralled by them that her first word was not "mum" or "dad" rather the little dear's first word was "goat"

  7. Remind Tim to tell you the story of PVT Batt and the sheep. ;)

    Great example. :) I love the blog title, too. I need help coming up with a title for my blog... alas, I am lacking in title creativity....